


Feeling Numb

by Lillia_Roseb, my_fangirl_feels



Category: DMMd, DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, noiz has ptsd, tw sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 15:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2856491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillia_Roseb/pseuds/Lillia_Roseb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_fangirl_feels/pseuds/my_fangirl_feels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you fix a broken boy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alpha

AOBA POV

"Aoba! I need you to work a double shift tomorrow. "

My attention is pulled from the glowing computer monitor at the sound of my bosses voice. I've been working at "Flair for Repair!" for the past month to help pay for my college tuition.

"Yes sir! " I answer, my voice hoarse and tired. Between school and work I haven't had time to sleep well.

"Aoba, are you feeling okay? You look a bit tired. " His voice was filled with genuine concern.

"Yeah, I just need more sleep. I'll be fine, don't worry!" I try my best to smile a convincing grin.

"Alright. Hey, do you think you can run and place an order for a radiator? We have a new admission. "

"Uh-yeah! I'll go now. " I reach for my jacket and head out.   
The sun shone warmly but the contradiction of the frigid wind caused me to keep my face down.

"Alright. Just two more blocks-" my thoughts were interrupted when I collided with what seemed like a wall. I fell back from the unexpected force.

"Ah-SORRY! My fault! I wasn't watching were I was going and-" as I looked up from where I sat on the ground my lighter brown eyes met piercing green eyes. I took a moment to really see this other person. His hair was blonde and slightly ruffled. His face sported several piercings, and an indifferent expression sat on a beautiful face. He stared at me a moment and I could feel my cheeks flush red. I stood up and reached a hand down to help him up. He accepted it after another moment and stood up

"I'm Aoba."

He simply stood there and I began to wonder if he could speak. I let out a nervous laugh.

"Noiz. "   
He spoke with a deep and husky voice, as if he didn't speak often.

"Uh-sorry about that. Are you hurt?" He kept the same plain expression, and looked down. I followed his gaze.

"Oh-My hand..." My hand was dripping red from a deep gash along my palm. I must of landed on something sharp.

"Umm-sorry..." I couldn't think of anything to say. "Are-Are you okay, though? I hit you pretty hard...It must've hurt." His gaze was focused on my hand. He seemed to be studying my injury.

"Um, Noiz?" He met my stare. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm not hurt." Then, unexpectedly, Noiz reached for my bleeding hand, gripping it tightly.

"Ow!" I pulled my hand from him and stepped back. "That really hurt!" His bright green gaze seemed to falter slightly. "Well, if you say you're okay then I should head back to work..." I turned away from him and started to head back to work.

I could hear slight footsteps behind me.

"Noiz? What is it? Are you okay?" He was following closely behind me. He only groaned in response.

When I made it to the shop, Noiz had separated sometime before arriving.

"Aoba, have you placed the order?" My boss called to me from the garage.

"Uh-No, I'm sorry! I bumped into this guy and ended up getting hurt. I'll do it first thing tomorrow, I swear!" I gave my apology and ran for the first aid kit without waiting for a response. I took the bandages out from the box and wrapped the white cloth around my pale skin. I swept my blue hair from my eyes and assessed my bandaged hand. It should be fine. I thought to myself. I just hope Noiz was okay... I shook the thoughts from my mind and got to work.

The next hours passed in a blur. Before I knew it, I was clear to go home. I stretched my arms and yawned, exhausted from the days work. I reached for my bag and headed to the exit.

"Goodbye! I'll be in tomorrow for that double shift!" I waved back to my boss and smiled.

"Aoba..." I jumped slightly at the sound of my name. The voice seemed familiar and once the tall blonde man stepped forward I was able to see it was the stranger from earlier.

"Noiz, what are you doing here?" No reply. My cheeks blushed pink under his scrutiny.

"Well, um-wanna stop for some drinks? I just got off work. I'm buying!" I try offering. I still felt bad for the collision earlier. At least I could do something. Noiz simply nodded and took to walking a little ways behind me. I would often stop and wait for him.

He kept his gaze focused on the ground, his footsteps falling in step with mine. I couldn't help but stare at him. His blonde hair fell just above his perfectly green eyes and hid the two brow piercings I had seen earlier. I studied his face, taking note of every metal ring or stud. He had two piercings below his lip and two rested on the bridge of his nose.

I looked over to Noiz who now walked shoulder to shoulder with me. My heart skipped a beat, he was staring right at me! I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, standing out against my paler skin.

Once we arrived I ordered a few beers.

"So, Noiz, what college are you going to?" I stared at him a bit awkwardly. I don't even know this guy...

"I'm not in college." Wow did he know how to carry a conversation. The bartender returned with two beers. I brought the cold glass to my lips and gulped down the alcohol, wanting to avoid awkward eye contact. I could feel Noiz's stare pierce through me. He grabbed his drink and downed it in a few gulps.

"Why?" Noiz's deep voice broke through my scrutinizing.

"Why, what?" I was a bit surprised. I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but at least he was talking!

"When we ran into each other earlier, why did you stop? You could have easily kept walking. You were even bleeding. But you still asked if I was okay..." His voice trailed off slightly. He stared into my eyes, seemingly sincere.

"Well, it was my fault. I wasn't watching where I was going. I wouldn't have left you without checking if you were okay.." I felt insecure in my own skin.

Silence fell over the both of us, and a few more beers later, a slight blush started to creep onto Noiz's cheeks. His brilliant green eyes even seemed more far off than before.

"Uh-Noiz? Maybe you've had a few too many..." My head was slightly clouded as well, but I wasn't completely drunk. Noiz only looked up and met my light brown gaze.

"Maybe I should take you home-"

"NO." Noiz interrupted me, was that fear I saw in his eyes? "Not yet. Please, Aoba..." The way he said my name caused my breath to faulter.

"Well, I guess, you can come to my place? If you're okay with that..." I was hesitant to ask, but this was easier than figuring out where he lived. He grunted his agreement.

As we arrived I helped Noiz onto the couch. He was wasted.

"How many drinks did you have, Noiz?"

No reply. Noiz kept his gaze fixed on his hands. "Thank you, Aoba."

"Uh-umm- Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Maybe you ought to sleep this off? You can stay in my bed and I'll take the couch-" As I reached to help him up, he grabbed my wounded hand, but with a lighter touch.

"I'm sorry. For this." I could only stand and stare, I felt a bit uncomfortable.

"It wasn't your fault, Noiz..." He still kept his hand on mine and his slender finger trailed on the bandage.

"Does it hurt?" He seemed to be studying my hand, and soon he unwrapped the white cloth. My hand was left bare, a wide slash ran across the heel of my hand.

"Not as much as it did..."

"What does it feel like?" His voice was heavy, as was my breathing. He stood from the couch, his face coming closer to mine.

"Uh-Like a scratch! Nothing serious. You know how feels when you scrape your knee." I took a slight step back, unable to stand the closeness to him.

"No. I don't." I almost laughed, but the seriousness in his tone made me hold my tongue.

"Since I was young, I learned to block out pain...My father used to get angry at me. Say things. I learned if I couldn't be affected by it, then I would be better off." Noiz's words slightly slurred, he had a tight grip on my fore arm, almost like he need the support.

"Noiz, I think you drank way too much..." I tried to add, hoping to convince him to go to sleep. My heart ached for him. What is this? Why does my chest feel weird? I thought maybe I was drunk after all...

"At first, I stopped feeling emotions. I started with blocking sadness, then I blocked happiness, and once my dad actually started to hit me...It was easier to not feel. At all." He continued. I took an unconscious step forward. Towards him. His eyes were focused on my hand.

"But, when I ran into you in the street. I felt something. In here..." He brought a clumsy hand to his chest.

"I haven't felt anything in such a long time...it was weird." His voice hushed to a whisper. I leaned in closer to his words. My heart felt as though it had been twisted inside of me. His hand slid from my arm to my neck, then slowly he raised it to my cheek. What are you doing?!? I asked myself. but I couldn't seem to pull away.

"I-Is that why you have the piercings?" I asked, trying to buy myself some time to decide.

He let out a breathy chuckle, "Yeah...I guess."

I lifted my hand to his lips, carefully tracing the metal studs below his lips. "Did it..hurt?"

"No, nothing does anymore. Not even a little." I could feel his breath brush against my face. My hands rested on his chest.

"Hmm..." I trailed off. Before I knew it, my lips met his. At first it was a soft and unsure kiss. But soon Noiz took control of the kiss. My hands found their way to his blonde hair and I twined my hands through it. I could feel Noiz biting at my lip, begging for permission. After a few more seconds, I opened my mouth slightly, allowing Noiz's tongue to twine with mine. I could feel an odd fixture on his tongue. It hit against my teeth with a solid metal sound.

"Uah-Tongue...piercing?" I gasped the question between kisses. Noiz's only reply was a soft and playful grunt. I could feel metal hit against my teeth. My hands ran up and down his chest, feeling and memorizing. I slowly reached to remove his shirt. Noiz wrapped his long arms around me and we both fell to the couch. I managed to rip off his shirt, and he removed mine as well, never breaking the heated kiss.

Gasps escaped me when I felt his large hands reach for my belt. I wrapped my hands over his back and my hips were secured beneath him by his legs. I heard the zipper of my jeans zzt down and his hand slowly reached beneath my waist line. My nails dug into his back; I was certain I drew blood, but that action earned me a moan from Noiz.

He likes that? I thought to myself. I started to experiment, biting his lip a bit harder than he bit mine and scratching down his back as he worked me. Moans of pleasure and praise escaped his lips. I arched into him. His body seemed to be perfect. As I ran my hands down his bare chest, I felt another piercing. This one on his naval. I stared up at him as my hand rested where the piercing was.

"It doesn't stop there..." He gasped out. A smug smirk was etched onto his face. He brought his lips to my neck, and trailed kisses down my chest. I could feel his hands on me, I felt like I was on fire. I arched into his hand, encouraging him. My own hands played with his waistband. His impatience was evident as he leaned into my touch, begging me go further. I teased him a bit longer, tracing out his defined muscles just above his waist line.

"Uh- Aoba-" He gasped out. Finally I gave in, wanting him to feel as good as he made me feel. My hand slid down and was met with a cold metallic feeling. My amber eyes widened and his smile grew.

"Y-You got your-" My sentence was interrupted with another sloppy, hot kiss, "-Pierced?" I gasped out.

Noiz let out a laugh, and pulled my pants completely off. I felt a bit subconscious, being completely bare in front of him. He seemed to notice my discomfort and stripped from his own jeans too. I could feel his strokes becoming more rapid and alternating. I mimicked his movement. This earned me a moan of satisfaction. He bucked into my hand and I into his, our breathing becoming ragged and uneven.

"N-Noiz!" I gasped out a warning, the way he made my body feel was unimaginable. Noiz kept going, his hips pressing into me. My grip tightened around him, I silently thought it would hurt any one else, but he seemed to enjoy it.

Noiz's breathing faltered, and I felt as though all that was around me was only Noiz. He crashed his lips into mine in a hot and arousing kiss. His tongue fought for dominance over mine. I began to really like that tongue piercing. He broke the kiss, wet and blazing with passion, as he called out my name.

"Ah-Aoba...!" I never liked my name so much. I responded through gasps. His body tightened on top of me, and my own body responded by pressing closer to him.

Noiz fell beside me, his breathing still ragged and chest heaving. I could only imagine how red my face was. My body was tired and my chest screamed for air. Noiz wrapped one of his long arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. I pulled the couch throw blanket over our bare bodies, his longer legs draped over my own. I was facing him, my cheek resting on his firm chest.

I slowly felt myself drifting off into sleep. Our clothes laid in a mess around my flat. I could feel his hot breath stir my hair, causing a chill to run down my spine. His grip around me tightened and he brought my body closer to his; his breathing retained an even pattern. Slowly, I felt him drift off into sleep and I followed suit.


	2. Beta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning- description of abuse and implied sexual assault.

NOIZ POV

 

The next morning I found myself lying on an unfamiliar couch. My arm was wrapped around Aoba's bare body, his head resting on my chest. I blinked my eyes to try to adjust to the light. Everything was so bright. My head pounded like a dull drum. As I tried to remember last night, images scattered in my mind. 

Aoba's bare body, the sound of his voice. The sound of my voice. The feeling of his hands on me. The taste of his lips on mine. The feel of his breath on me...My desire to touch every inch of him...

I couldn't remember everything clearly.

Aoba was nice and caring, and he's cute, which is a plus. I haven't met such a considerate guy in a long time. But, a part of me couldn't help but be suspicious. After this, we'll probably never see each other again. Which was fine by me, I was used to these kinda things. No emotional attachment. 

I gently pressed a kiss into Aoba's hair. He seemed to smell of a familiar scent that I couldn't place. It was sweet and comforting, making me feel safe. 

I wanted to trust this guy. A stranger I just met, but also a stranger I really wanted to sleep with. I had to remind myself why trusting anyone is dangerous. 

Trusting someone means you show them your vulnerabilities, your emotions. I've worked so hard on hiding them. I'd remember the words my father would use like a whip against me. The sharp swears followed by the sting of a slap, or the blunt blow of a kick. I remember trying to hold the tears back, using all my concentration on it, so much so that my eyes would burn and my head would feel like it was exploding. I remember the way my dad would look at me, his eyes boiling with hate and disgust. I could practically feel the cold cement floor I was forced to sleep on. The worst of my memories was when my dad would have friends over. They were always women. They'd get drunk, and find me downstairs. I remember thinking I could trust them, because they were girls. I thought they were trying to help, trying to comfort me...Then there hands would trail circles on my back, slowly moving down. Their long nails would leave an invisible trace down my chest and stomach, always moving lower until...

I was twelve. 

How could I trust anyone? Not even my own parents loved me. I didn't even love myself. I always had to prove to myself that I was strong. I always tested myself, building this great wall to block any emotion. In order to not feel pain, or to not get hurt, I had to not care. I had to not let my fathers curses affect me. I had to stop feeling. Anything. Love, remorse, pain. All of it. I started by forcing the tears back, not allowing myself to cry. Then once I managed that, I started to convince myself that the pain I was feeling was nothing. Ever kick or punch, I took it head on, lying to myself that it didn't hurt. Soon enough, I convinced myself that it didn't. 

I was pleased with myself. But then I realized that I couldn't turn it off. I couldn't stop not feeling. I accepted it, thinking not feeling pain was worth not feeling joy, or love. 

I hid those memories behind a wall. Not wanting to test it, I left it alone. I thought not feeling anything made me strong. Getting my body pierced felt like a kind of contract with myself. Proving I had over come pain. 

I remember the only place I ever felt safe. I often ran from home, and a few houses down our neighbors had a garden. They never knew, but I recurrently hid among their honeysuckle plant. The sweet smell calmed me and I was able to escape my reality if only for a moment.

"N-Noiz??" A groggy voice gripped me tight, pulling me from my reverie. Aoba's face lifted up to mine, his light brown eyes focused on my face. I couldn't help but wonder what he saw. The piercings? The nonchalant facade I knew I always had? Or maybe nothing. After all that's what I saw myself as...

Aoba twined his slender fingers with mine. His face shining up at me. 

I felt something odd in my chest. 

I rested my head on Aoba, who was nestled against my neck. My head felt thick, and I still couldn't quite remember what had happened. 

I took a moment to take in my surroundings. I couldn't remember getting here, or anything after my fifth drink. His flat was what you expect from a college student. His trash was full, and I could see clothes on the floor. Wait. As I looked closer I realized I saw my clothes on the floor. "Last night..."My voice felt odd, foreign in my ears. "Did we...?" I wanted to know for sure.

"U-uh no...we didn't...We only-um." I could feel the awkwardness in his tone, his eyes darting around his flat.

"Only jerked each other off?" I added, wanting to sound detached and emotionless. 

A small, almost non existent smile reached my lips as his face reddened. His gaze avoiding mine. 

Damn he was cute...

"Noiz, are you feeling okay? You drank a llot last night..." I could almost feel my heart skip a beat. Almost. 

"Yeah. I'm fine. I don't drink, so I didn't know my limit." 

"Really? You never go drinking with your friends? After classes or something?" Aoba's voice was like honey, filled with actual interest.

" I'm not in school." Was my only reply. I never dreamt of college cause I never knew if I'd survive that long.

"You're not? Have you already graduated college?" Aobas asked, his thumb trailing small circles on my hand. 

"I'm only nineteen." His hand stopped. He looked up at my face, his eyes wide. 

"WHAT? I would never have guessed you were that young! Wait...I should have asked before offering for drinks! I'm so sorry!" I could practically feel his face reddening. 

"It's fine. I know I look older." I gripped his hand tighter, locking our fingers together. 

"Hmm. H-Hey Noiz?" Aoba's soft voice broke the moment of silence. 

"What is it?" 

"It's just- well- D-Do you think you could maybe turn around?" His tawny eyes were lowered from my gaze, bashfully. A light rose crept upon his cheeks. 

"Why?" I couldn't understand what he wanted.

"W-Well it's because I have to go to work...I'm working a double shift...And I'm not wearing anything..." I could feel his hand tightening around mine nervously. 

Another half smile crept its way onto my lips. 

"You should shower first..." I added, my voice husky and my free hand made its way around Aoba's body. 

"Y-yes! I will! But- Please, would you turn away?" His voice was so sweet and pleading. With a grunt I turned my body to face away from him. I felt the warmth where he was laying slowly fade, followed by the sound of footsteps. Once I peeked over my shoulder he was gone. I could still smell him. It was sweet, and comforting. Making me feel safe. He smelt like honeysuckle...


	3. Charlie

Aoba POV

"Good morning, Boss!" I threw my bag on the ground and greeted my manager. He gave me a slight nod as he entered the garage. There was a car already parked and ready to be worked on.

"Need any help, Sir?" I offered.

"Nah, just manage the front desk please and put that damn request in like I told you yesterday!" His voice was slightly muffled by a handkerchief over his mouth.

As I made my way into the office, I couldn't stop my mind from thinking of that morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The warm water ran down my blushing face, I could feel it slowly start to heat up. My mind was only filled with Noiz. His face, his feel, his hands...

Suddenly I could feel those warm hands surround me. I jumped slightly and I could hear a small, husky laugh deep in his chest. His bare chest.

"N-Noiz!" I moved to turn around, caught off guard. My hands landed on his chest, attempting to push him away. Noiz's hands covered my own, our fingers entwining. I could feel my heart beat slam against my ribs. I was almost sure he could hear it.

"Aoba...You are beautiful." His arms began to wrap around my bare body, causing chills of pleasure to run up my spine. His voice brushed against my cheeks and his lips floated above mine. I could practically taste him. And it was an acquired taste I was beginning to crave constantly.

Without any patience I leaned up on my toes and pressed my mouth to his. It was long and sweet, and the deeper the kiss got the more I felt myself fall for him.

"Y-You're beautiful too, Noiz..." I wrapped my arms around his neck and my fingers gripping tight to his wet hair. I looked at his face, but he avoided my gaze.

"Noiz?" I asked my voice quiet and hoarse.

He pressed another kiss to my lips and stepped out of the shower.

When I was finished with my shower, Noiz was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been several weeks since that shower. Since then I've neither seen nor heard from Noiz.

"Aoba!!"

"Y-yes, Boss! I've already placed the order!!" My voice came out fast and surprised, caught in my own daydream.

The Boss let out a chuckle, "That's great, Aoba, thanks. You have a phone call, by the way."

"Oh? Okay, thanks, I must've missed the ring..." I reached for the phone and answered with habit.

"A-Aoba...?" My breath caught and I absentmindedly twisted the phone cord in my hand.

"Noiz?!" My voice was quiet and sounded unsure.

"I wanted to ask...Well not really ask..I-I mean." I heard him take a breath, "I'll be down to Flair for Repair to pick you up when your shift ends. I'm taking you out to dinner." The line went silent.

I hung up the phone, confused but happy. Did Noiz just ask me out? Well, no. He told me out...But I didn't mind. I just wanted to see him again.

The rest of my work day passed with a sigh and the sound of a clock ticking. I couldn't wait to see Noiz. Woah. When did I start feeling like this? I asked myself.

I held my head in my hands and rubbed my temples. I couldn't place when I started feeling like this. But, it wasn't a feeling I regret.

"Aoba?" I jumped in my chair, unaware that Noiz had come to pick me up.

"Oh, hey! Sorry I was just...Uhh.." I searched my brain for an excuse but came up empty. A smirk formed on Noiz's lips.

"Ready?" Was his only response, saving me from finding an excuse.

"Y-yeah. Let's go." I followed Noiz out.

We walked for a while side by side, and I stole a few glances at his face. I was beginning to fall for those green eyes and piercings. And I was aware there was nothing I could do. Not that I wanted too...

"Are you hungry?" Noiz broke my thoughts, his gaze meeting mine.

"Yeah, I could eat. Where are we going to go?" I asked, curiously. He smiled again, not the half smirk that made me want to slam my lips to his, but a genuine, sweet smile. It was nice.

"It's a surprise."

We walked a bit farther until we stopped at the entrance of a very nice restaurant.

"N-Noiz this isn't where we're eating, right?" I could feel my voice falter. "This place looks insanely expensive."

"Of course we are. Come on." The only thing that pulled me back to reality was the feeling of my hand in Noiz's. His fingers entwined with mine and he guided me into the building.

Everything was gold and white, the tables, the carpet, hell, even the waiters! We received a few haughty glances and scoffs, and I could see why. I was wearing blue jeans, smeared with a bit of motor oil, and my black long sleeve was nothing compared to the fine suits others wore. Noiz wasn't much better. He wore black skinny jeans, white converse, and a nice green tee that accented his eyes amazingly. He did however have on a nice black jacket.

At one point, what I assumed to be management approached us, but all Noiz did was ask for a table. The man then instructed one of the waitresses to lead us to a nice little table right beside a window.

"Noiz." I cleared my throat, "This place is pretty...uhm...High class."

"I've got it covered." He wouldn't remove his green gaze from me. He replied so reassuringly.

"Oh, okay...It's just, I never really got the impression that you...well-"

"Had money?" Noiz interjected. I could feel my cheeks redden and I averted my eyes, feeling a little rude. Then I heard that amazing sound. His laugh. It was quiet and deep.

"It's alright, Aoba. Yeah, my family is loaded, and I get a piece of it. So this is fine." He smiled at me again, reaching for my hands on the table. He stared at me a while, not saying anything.

I couldn't help but feel like something was off with his smile. With him.

Dinner was great and Noiz really did pay for all of it and the tip. We left, hand in hand, to my house. It was colder than I thought it would be outside and I silently cursed myself for leaving my jacket at work.

"You cold?" Noiz's hand tightened around mine and he walked a bit closer to me.

"Yeah, I left my jacket at the garage." Without another question he removed his coat and placed it over my shoulders. It smelt of him and promptly warmed me up. I couldn't help but smile. When I looked over to Noiz, I noticed it again. He was acting strange.

We finally made it to my flat. I put the key into the door and turned to say thanks and goodnight to Noiz.

"Aoba..." He spoke before I could, his voice quiet and intimate. His hands gripped my arms for what almost seemed like support. He was close to me, and I could feel his heat surround me.

"Aoba," he started again, "Th-thank you..." That caught me off guard.

"W-What do you mean? You took me out remember?" He shook his head and his eyes studied the floor.

"No. I mean for that morning. You called me..." I could hear him take a breath. "Beautiful, Aoba. You said I was beautiful. No one...No one has ever said anything like that to me." His hands gripped my shirt, forming a fist. He still hung his head.

"No one? What about you're parents? Surely they have-"

"NO. Never, Aoba. You are the only one. The only one that makes me feel anything. I've tried so hard to keep away from anything like that. It wasn't hard once I saw the evil and ill-intent in others...But you...You were different. You made me hurt. In here." He placed his hand on my chest. He lifted his head, his eyes equal to mine, his lips only a breath away from mine.

"N-Noiz..." My voice came out as a hushed whisper. Then all at once, we kissed. He gripped me tight and pressed me against my door. I could feel his hands run up my back, his palms warm and desperate. Our mouths clashed together, tongues twining and fighting for dominance. His piercing clicked against my teeth and the sound and feel seemed to encourage me. He easily lifted me and my legs wrapped around his waist. I could feel his mouth trail kisses down my neck and his tongue followed. I wrapped my arms around his back, digging my nails into his shoulders. That earned me a deep growling moan from his lips.

He pressed his lips to mine again and teased me by biting my lip. My hands trailed down his back and made their way to his pants. With clumsy persistence, I managed to open my door and we both crashed inside. I kicked the door close with my foot and Noiz lifted me up again, his hands groping my ass. He made his way to my room, our lips still locked together.

He laid me on my unmade bed and proceeded to remove my shirt. He threw it to the ground and trailed his lips up and down my torso. His hands worked up and down my body, causing chills to run down my spine. I couldn't help gasping in pleasure as his mouth played with my body.

As he made his way back up to my mouth I topped him, putting him where I was just seconds before. I ripped his shirt off and mimicked what he did to me, but with him I used teeth. He arched into my touch and I could feel him growl beneath me. His hands flew to my belt and quickly removed it. I did the same to him, using my mouth to pull the fabric of his wait belt and tease him.

Noiz wrapped his arms around my back and placed me below him. Noiz began to slide my briefs down, and a gasp escaped me.

"N-Noiz!" He pressed another kiss to my lips, biting and kissing.

"Only if you want to..." His hands froze just above my waist, his thumbs rubbing slow circles.

It was all I could do to wrap my arms around him and pull him in.

"I-I want you, Noiz..." I moaned.

"I need you, Aoba..."

Noiz kissed his way down to my briefs again and bit at the waistband. He managed to pull them off and removed his own as well. I moaned as I felt his hand wrap around me and stroke up and down. I could hear my own lewd gasps and I reached for Noiz's. My hand wrapped around him, and I began to pump him as well. He practically growled at my touch and thrusted into my hand. My body was filled with arousal and the room was filled with our gasps and moans. Once I felt Noiz harden, he positioned me beneath him.

"N-uh-oiz..." I gasped, seeing his face above mine. He leaned down and pressed a hot, sloppy kiss to my lips. His hand still worked me and I felt like I was going explode.

Noiz lifted his hand to my face, his fingers trailing my lips. Then slowly he pressed his finger into my mouth. I gagged slightly around it but once he slipped in another I was able to adjust to it. He removed his fingers that were now covered in my saliva and slid them to my rear. I felt the pressure as he entered me and a loud moan escaped my mouth. I bit down on my lip as he pressed another in, joining the first. Once he added the third, I could taste blood coming from my lip.

All the time he still stroked me. After a minute he removed his fingers, assuming I was ready.

"A-Aoba...?" He looked down at my bright red face, burning from the exposure and pleasure.

I nodded to him, giving him all the encouragement he needed. He readjusted my position and I felt him enter. It was different from his fingers and I cried out with lewd sounds and gasps. My breath shortened and my body ached with pleasure as he slowly continued. Soon he began thrusting his hips and my moans came out as gasps. I covered my face, feeling embarrassed. Noiz gently moved my arms from my face and held them above my head. He continued to thrust into me and we fell into a smooth rhythm. I felt lost in ecstasy, the heat of our bodies, the feel of Noiz inside me, the sound of our gasps and moans, the feel of skin on skin.

"N-Noiz! I'm going...I'm going to-auh!" I could hardly speak through the pleasure.

Noiz started to move faster and more erratically, his breaths shorter and heavier. I knew he was close too.

We both arched into each other, reaching our limit. Noiz collapsed beside me, panting heavily. My body was sore and my waist was covered in a sweet numbness. Our hands found each others. I rested my head against Noiz and he wrapped a protecting arm around me.

"You are beautiful, Noiz." I whispered into his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to his skin.

"I think I love you, Aoba..." Noiz whispered in response, his chin leaning on my head.

Like this, we both drifted off into sleep.


	4. Delta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!
> 
> Blood 
> 
> PTSD description
> 
> Panic attack
> 
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> 
> Hey guys! So this is one of my deeper chapters. It gives a lot of insight on just how badly Noiz is hurt. I really like this chapter so I hope you enjoy!

Noiz POV:

My racing heart acted as my alarm clock when I woke up the next morning. Aoba remained sleeping next to me. His back against my chest and my arm draped over him. You said you loved him...I couldn't get that out of my head. I told Aoba I loved him and he didn't reply. Maybe he was just tired? He was practically asleep when I said it...I racked my brain, over thinking the whole night. Or maybe he didn't say it because he doesn't love you. That's the most reasonable explanation.

I got up from the bed, careful not wake Aoba. I made my way into the bathroom across the hall. I could feel my heart beginning to race, my breath shortening and my chest tightening. It's happening again. A panic attack. I've had panic attacks ever since I was younger. It came with the territory of having PTSD. But I haven't had one in so long...Why now? 

I ran and finally made it into the bathroom. I had to balance myself on the counter, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I studied myself. My eyes were wide and searching for something. My complexion seemed to become increasingly pale. My stomach felt like it was turning inside out and my head was close to exploding. Of course he didn't say he loved you. Look at you. You're nothing. And who could love someone who looked like you? All those piercings...That mop of blonde hair. Aoba's way too good for you, and he knows it. My thoughts became darker and darker and it started getting harder to dictate what I was thinking and what I was feeling. 

My heart raced even faster, the room around me seemed to spin and shift. To avoid the spinning walls, I looked to the ground. The tiles shifted and twisted beneath me. My stomach lurched. I suddenly found myself slipping to the ground, my heart beating from within my sweat covered chest. Hot tears formed in my eyes, spilling onto my cheeks as I clutched my own chest as to stop the pain. I clenched my teeth not wanting to make a sound. Aoba was sleeping. What if you were to wake him? Then he'd see how pathetic you realy are. I bit my lip, trying to hold back the cries that wanted so badly to escape. I couldn't breathe, and my lungs screamed for air. I needed a release. A release for the pain. As I scoured his bathroom, I found a small shaving razor. It wouldn't hurt. I could block the pain...Physical pain would be much easier to deal with than this...

I gripped the razor in my hand, unable to bring it to my writst. More tears flowed from my eyes, my breath left me in jagged gasps. I need to go...Aoba's just in the other room...I attempted to calm myself to no avail. Blood slowly oozed from my clenched fist. The blade. I couldn't stop my heart from racing, and the room from spinning. What's going on...?!? I've never had an episode like this one...

"Noiz!" I heard the shout after I felt warm arms embrace me. I realized I was shaking. Aoba's arms wrapped around me. He placed his hands on either side of my face, trying to get me to look at him. 

"Noiz, it's okay...I'm right here. It's alright..." His voice was calm and quiet, almost a whisper. 

"Please...don't go...Please, Aoba, don't leave me..."I could hear my voice, but it sounded unfamiliar to me. It sounded broken and scared, every word shaking. 

"I'm not going anywhere, Noiz. I'm right here. Please look at me." I brought my teary eyes to meet his amber gaze. My body shook as another cry ripped through my chest. Aoba guided me to sit against him as he held me, my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me protectively. His scent covered me and I could feel myself begin to slow down. 

"Do you need anything? Do you have anything, like medicine? Does this happen often?" Aoba asked me questions, one after the other. But it was all I could do to grip him tightly and lay against him. I was afraid to speak. What would I say? For him to see me like this...

"I'm...Broken." I whispered. I could hear Aobas heart skip a beat. 

"No, Noiz. You're not. You're just used to feeling numb." He held me tighter as tears spilt from my eyes. His hands gently rubbing my back soothingly. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Aoba was able to calm me down. 

"Noiz, your hand..." He reached for my still clenched fist and I pulled away from him. I didn't want him to see the blade I held in my grip. I didn't want him to look at me differently. Blood spilt from my fist, pooling on the ground. I felt a bit light headed, but the cut itself didn't hurt.

"No, I'm okay..." I said, pulling away from him. I stared down at the t-shirt he pulled over me earlier. It was grey, and now stained with blood. 

"Noiz. Give me your hand. I wasn't asking." I hesitated before placing my fist in his open hand. 

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt, Aoba."

"Open your hand."

I hesitated.

"Open your hand, Noiz. Please. Let me help you." He replied, his voice gentle again. I complied, and opened my bloodied hand. The little silver blade was now crimson, my hand was red as well, covered in blood from the deep laceration. 

"I didn't think it was that bad..." I said, more to myself than to Aoba. Aoba reached for the disinfectant and a cloth. He dampened the cloth and started to wipe the blood away from the wound. 

"It's pretty bad. Maybe you need stitches...I think I should take you to the hospital." He spoke rapidly and quietly I could barely catch what he said.

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt me-"

"It hurts me, Noiz! I don't like to see you bleeding! I don't like to see you hurt!" He interrupted me, looking me straight on, his amber eyes rimmed with tears and filled with passion. I was caught off guard.

"I didn't know what to do besides hold you...I'm sorry...It hurts me to see you like this. And it hurts that I don't know what to do..." Aoba gripped onto my shirt, his head leaning against my chest.

"Aoba...please. It's my fault. I don't know what I was thinking. It was a panic attack, and I hadn't had one in so long that I was unsure how to deal with it." No, he's angry. You made him mad. This is your problem, why are you dragging him into this! 

"Noiz, please. Next time, just wake me up. I can try to help before it happens again." He continued trying to clean my hand. 

"Okay." Was all I could reply.

"Noiz...I love you, too." My heart skipped. I looked at him, trying to confirm what I heard but he was intently focused on cleaning the cut. 

After he wrapped my hand, we laid on the couch together. I leaned against Aoba as he wrapped his arms around me. I laid my head against his chest and heard the steady rhythm of his heart. My eyes were tired, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I looked at the clock beside the couch. It read: 3:34 a.m. My body ached and my head throbbed.

"Aoba-." My voice was hoarse from my crying earlier.

"Shhh. When you want to talk about it, or anything, I'm here. I'll always be right here." His voice was filled with sleep, he must be just as tired as me. His hand found mine and we entwined our fingers. I could feel his breathing slow as he gave into sleep, his arms still wrapped around me protectively, as if he could defend me from myself. 

"Aoba..." I looked up to see his face.

"Noiz?" Aoba replied with a sleepy smile. 

Our lips met in a gentle embrace, the taste of him lingering just slightly. It was sweet and slow, and felt comforting. My head rested below his chin, and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep just as we were.


	5. Echo

"Aoba?" I could hear Noiz's rough voice through the phone. I could pratically hear the pain he was ignoring.

"How are you feeling?" When I left this morning, Noiz had a fever. I wanted to stay but he convinced me to go to class, saying he was fine and felt no different. I knew better, I should've stayed.

"I'm fine, Aoba. Please, get your studies done. Don't worry about me." He spoke quietly, and sleep dripped from his voice.

"You know I have to...Wait...D-Did I wake you?!?"

"No, Aoba. I'm fine. If anything gets worse I'll call you."

"No you won't." I sighed. "I told you you'd get sick!" I scolded in a semi- playful tone. I heard a weak laugh, almost a cough.

"It was worth it...Having you like that. In the rain. Your hair slick and your body pressing close to mine for warmth. And when you gripped me tight and-"

"Noiz!," I shouted in a whisper, "I have to get to class. I'll call you again after. Remember to eat something and drink plenty of water, okay?" My heart ached for him. I wanted to be next to him. After witnessing his panic attack, a few weeks had passed. And every moment I was away, I couldn't help but worry if he had another. The more he opens himself up to me, the more frequent the attacks became. I can't help but think this slow process is some how helping him. His brain is processing the emotions he's pent up for so many years and is dealing with them in a less than pleasant manner.

"I will. Study hard, okay?" His voice slowly dimmed to a hushed whisper.

"Okay...I love you, Noiz. I really do..." I whispered into my phone, aching to be with him.

"I love you too, Aoba..." I could hear his smile through the phone.

I closed my phone, leaning against the wall in the bathroom. I left my class about 15 minutes ago. I had to check on him and make sure he was okay. I walked over to the sink and splashed warm water on my face, as if I could wash away my worry.

"Talking to your girlfriend?" A familiar voice filled what I thought was an empty bathroom.

"Koujaku!" I smiled, my cheeks a bit flushed. Koujaku and I have been friends since high school, and once we had graduated, we decided to go to college together as well.

"No, not a girl friend..." I shyly replied.

"Oh please, tell me her name! I bet she's gorgeous!" He smirked at me. Even though we're close friends, I never told him about Noiz. Or told him that I was currently with a guy...Koujaku was never one to judge, but I'd just had so much on my mind recently I hadn't gotten around to tell him.

I sighed, thinking about Noiz alone at his appartment. What if he has another panic attack? And you're not there to stop him from doing something irrational? My thoughts invaded and I sighed in frustration.

"Hey, you okay Aoba?" Koujaku's voice pulled me back to reality.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I've been really busy with work and school and my rents due this week. I'm still about 350 short." I ran my hand through my messily tied back hair. It was getting longer, but I don't like getting it cut. Besides, Noiz likes it.

"Also, you haven't been getting a lot of sleep, have you? I can tell. Your eyes are tired." He stepped closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah...I've been busy." I couldn't tell him the reason I wasn't sleeping was because I would rather do something else with a certain someone...

"Well, maybe you should go home and rest. I can get the notes for our next classes." He flashed a reassuring smile.

I thought for a second. If I were to leave school early, I could take care of Noiz. That would take a lot of worry and stress away.

"Yeah...Okay. Thanks, Koujaku!" I gave him a soft pat on the shoulder before heading out to see Noiz.

I'd never been to his flat before but he told me where it was located. After stopping by the convient store for medicine and soups and things like that, I made my way to his appartment.

NOIZ POV

My head ached and my chest felt like fire was burning through all oxygen my lungs stored. I can't remember the last time I was sick. I think I was young...Very young. My father didn't care that I was ill. I had to stay by myself. I was always by myself. And here I was. Alone again.

I shut my eyes, trying to ignore the throbbing in the back of my head and the beating of my heart rapidly increase. No. Not now. My head was slowly beginning to spin, and I stood, trying to make my way to the bathroom. Another panic attack? My hands shook and the floor swayed. My heart felt like it was breaking through my ribs.

"Noiz...?" The intercom of my flat rang out a familiar and comforting voice.

"Noiz, it's me, Aoba. I left school early. I couldn't stay there with you here sick. Can you buzz me in?" His voice was quiet and concerned. I held onto the sound of it. His voice slowly seemed to pull me from my paniced state of mind. I pressed the button to let him in. I sat myself down waiting for him to enter.

"Hey, Noiz..." When he came in, his hands were full and his beautiful hair fell in his eyes.

"Let me help you." I stood and took the bags from him, ignoring his protest.

"How are you feeling?" Aoba sat next to me, placing a cool hand on my burning face.

"Better. Now that you're with me." I gave my best effort in smiling. I still felt terrible.

"So this is where you live?" Aoba scanned my small appartment. His was slightly larger and not as messy. I had clothes thrown on the ground and food in the trash. It was pretty dark too, I liked to keep blinds closed and lights tended to bother me.

"Yeah, it's not much but it's mine. Actually I've been thinking of moving to-" I was interrupted my a string of violent coughs racking through my chest.

"Noiz!" Aoba rushed to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Noiz, let me get you some water. Here, I also bought some cough syrup and soups, but I wasn't sure what kind you liked so I bought several that seem good. Well, honestly I bought a few of my favourites but I thought maybe-"

"Aoba." I interrupted, trying to save him from his own babbling. "You talk too much." I reached a weak hand up and held his face in my palm. It was cool against my burning skin and his amber eyes held me for what seemed like eternity.

"Sorry. I just want to take care of you..." My heart skipped.

"Aoba, I'm fine, really. It's just a little cold." I tried to shoo him from me but to no avail.

Aoba stood and entered my kitchen, returning with a glass of water. "Here. You need to stay hydrated."

Taking the cup from his hand I brought it to my lips. I wasn't aware of how thirsty I had been. Surprised at the feeling of a cool hand on my forehead, I spat out a mouthful of water. I jumped slightly and looked at aoba curiously.

"I-uh-Er- I was checking to see if your fever went down...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trigger anything..." His hand recoiled as if he had burned it on an open flame.

"No, it's just, you surprised me...is all..." My voice lowered and I averted my gaze.

"Haven't you ever had someone check if you had a fever?" Aoba's voice was light and innocent. I shook my head, still avoided my gaze.

"I never had anyone to take care of me. Not when I was sick, not when I was injured, and not when I was in trouble..." My head still throbbed with a headache and my chest tightened around every word.

"Well, now you do. And I'm going to take care of you for a long time after too." Aoba smiled and any dark memories around me vanished at the sight. I cocked a pierced brow and smiled coyly, "So you're gonna play nurse?"

I couldn't hold in my laugh at the sight of Aobas pale face turn a bright rose colour. With a bashful face, he turned and walked to the kitchen.

I couldn't help but feel a bit spoiled, having him here to watch me. But I also felt uneasy, as if I should be able to take care of myself.

CRASH!

A loud noise pulled me from my stupor and I jumped to my feet, immediately regretting it when my vision spun.

"Aoba!" I ran into the kitchen to see him sitting on his knees, picking up little shards of broken glass. I ran to his side, kneeling beside him.

"Aoba are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?" I couldn't stop my heart from racing.

"Yes, yes, I-I'm fine! I was just trying to reach the top shelf to get the bowl...but, I was too short..." He kept his focused gaze glued to his task of picking up glass. His cheeks were blushing bright red and his azure hair fell over his shoulder.

"Aoba, It's fine, let me help-"

"No! I can do it! I-I swear! You're sick so you should be sleeping. Please, just let me do this for you!" He looked at me now, his eyes fiery and determined.

"U-uh. Okay. There's a vacuum in the closet." I placed my hand beneath his chin and forced him to look at me. Ugh I want to kiss him so badly...But I knew I couldn't, I was still sick. I ran a hand through his hair, ruffing it up more than it already was.

"Uhm, Noiz?" The hesitation in Aoba's voice stopped me and i turned to face him.

"Hmm?"

"There's-uh- there's glass in your knees..." His voice was quiet but calm, almost as if he were approaching a scared dog.

I looked down to my bare legs to find red liquid slowly oozing from random cuts. "Oh. There is."

"Here, I'll help." Aoba threw away what glass he had picked up and sat me down on the couch. He spent about an hour wrapping my shins and knees, being gentle enough not to hurt me. Even though he knew he couldn't. After he cleaned me and the kitchen up he made me soup.

"Thank you, Aoba." I whispered. I felt as though I was fighting my own eyelids to stay open. Aoba had joined me on the couch and held my head in his lap. He gently stroked my hair and sometimes my cheek in a such a soothing manner. Aoba pressed a soft, gentle kiss to my forehead before I drifted off into sleep.


	6. Valentines Day Short

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****AUTHOR'S NOTE****
> 
> >>
> 
> SOOOOOO HERE'S A LATE VALENITINE'S DAY GIFT TO ALL OF MY READERS! Thank you guys again for all the support you show. <3

"Happy Valentines day!!" I threw my arms around Noiz's neck the moment I saw him. My heart felt like it would burst from excitement. I wasn't sure if Noiz ever shared a valentines day with someone, so I wanted to make this special. For him.

He looked a bit surprised, but soon flaunted that smirk I loved too much. 

"I thought we could go out for dinner, and then maybe see a movie. OH! Almost forgot, here." I reached out and handed him a small stuffed animal. 

"It's a rabbit..." Noiz stared at the small gift, I could feel my cheeks heat up and I began to nervously play with my hair.

"Y-Yeah, I thought it was cute, so I picked it out for you. A gift." I smiled as I stared at him, trying to read his expression. Noiz caught my hand, wrapping his slender fingers around my hair as well. 

His light green eyes pierced my own. His other hand wound its way around my waist, pulling me into him. His breath softly brushed my cheek before his lips met mine. They were soft and gentle, at least for a moment. Soon, his hands searched my body desperately, his lips trailing down my neck. I retaliated with moans and gasps as he touched me.

We made our way to my room. The bed was already unmade and we had to be careful not to trip on anything on the ground. Which was hard, considering we never broke our embrace. 

I felt fabric as me and Noiz fell to my bed. His hands found their way underneath my shirt, and was stroking my torso. I gripped his shirt and in a frenzied manner, I ripped it from him. My lips trailed kisses down his toned stomach and teased slightly at his waist band. He let out a moan which only encouraged me to go farther. My stomach was in knots and my cheeks were growing hotter. As was something else...

"Aoba..." Noiz brought my face back up to his and we collided with teeth and tongue. I could feel his pierced tongue toy with my own, his teeth slightly biting my lower lip. I climbed on top of him, my hips grinding against the material of his jeans as we kissed. His hands rested on my waist and slowly make their way down. I felt his hands, steady and heated, tangle with my belt and manage to remove it. 

I brought my own hands to his hair, pulling slightly, enough to earn me a moan and low growl. Noiz flipped, and I was now beneath his heated body. He looked perfect. I couldn't help but marvel at his muscled physique. Metal decorated his body. I traced each one starting at the metal studs on his collar bone, to the rings on his chest, and down to the studs on his naval. Each one marking him as an individual. 

"Perfect..." I muttered beneath my breath. He caught my hand as I raised it to touch him again. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it. 

"Your cute when you blush." He smiled at me as he teased. I aggressively removed his belt and pants as well, wanting him to match me. I placed my hand back on his chest and traced again, though this time I didn't stop at his naval. I heard him gasp as I gripped around him and it made me smile. The faster I pumped him, the more out of breath he got. 

I let out a surprised squeal when I felt his hand around me, his strokes even. My heart beat rose significantly and my body was shivering with pleasure. His hand stroked me as his lips played with my body. I could feel him harden in my grasp as I continued to arouse him. My body screamed for him, wanting to be filled with him. 

"N-Noiz!" My gasps were loud and a lewd expression was painted on my face. Noiz smirked as he reached his slender fingers to my ass. I let out a loud gasp as I felt his first finger. We had only done this once before, and although my body screamed for him, I still wasn't completely accustomed to it. All the time he still stroked me, never neglecting to make me feel euphoric. Shortly I could feel a second finger, then a third. 

"N-Noiz! Uh-uah p-please!" It was all I could do to beg as he took his time preparing me. He brought his lips up to my ear and whispered. I was too distracted to hear what he said. Soon his mouth united with mine in a sloppy, hot and passionate kiss. Then I felt him. He thrusted into me and I cried out with surprise. My voice was filled with pleasure and pain. The sweet numbness that slowly became familiar made its way around my waist. I could hear my own longing and lust in my voice and it caused me to blush even more vibrantly. He moved his hips in such a way that caused my whole being to tingle with ecstasy. 

I let out erotic sounds and ragged gasps against the motion and weight of Noiz. I couldn't help but arch into him, into his motion and his hand as he still toyed and stroked me. 

"A-oba...!" I could tell Noiz was getting close and I was right beside him. My body couldn't manage to hold any more. He arched into me and his movements became more inconsistent. I waited for the feeling of emptiness as he pulled out, but it didn't come. 

"N-Noiz? Are you...Why aren't you pul-?" I couldn't finish speaking because he crashed his mouth to mine.

"I want..I want to be with you. I want you to be mine completely." His green eyes met mine in a serious gaze. I knew what he wanted. I only nodded my approval as he fastened his pace, his hips moving faster and harder. I could hear his indelicate gasps and my own obscene moans. 

"N-noiz! I can't any longer...!" As I spoke my warning, my body shuddered and I let out a final bawdy moan. I felt Noiz thrust a few more times before a strange feeling filled my numb torso and waist. Noiz was gasping and I felt the emptiness as he removed himself from me and laid beside me. I felt strange and didn't know what to make of it. But I knew one thing. I was Noiz's, and he was mine. And this proved it. I felt a stronger love growing toward Noiz as he wrapped me in his arms, both of us still gasping.

"So...I think we're a little late for that dinner reservation..." I smiled over at him, his eyes resting on me, his hand absently rubbed my chest soothingly. 

"Huh. Sorry about that." His voice was quiet and low.

"Don't worry about it. I think I prefer this...activity." I smiled slyly at him.

"Activity, huh? That's what were calling it?" He smiled and let out a laugh. It made me warm to see him smile and I laughed right along with him.

I wanted to sleep, I was so tired, but Noiz gently stirred me from my almost-sleep. 

"Come on, lets take a bath. We should get you cleaned up too..." He smiled suggestively at me. I knew had to get cleaned up. Especially because of what we did.

We both made our way into the shower, the warm water spilling over my shoulders and drippping down Noiz's wet hair. He wrapped his long slender arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Noiz."

"Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day, Aoba." He pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek.


	7. Foxtrot

"Bet it feels good to be out of the house!" Aoba's cheery voice brought my reality into focus. I had been sick for the past two weeks, and that entire time Aoba never left me alone. He even missed a few classes.

"Yeah." I grunted my agreement. We walked side by side down the sidewalk. I couldn't exactly share in Aoba's joy but it was sure as hell cute to see him like this. Aoba was still awkward with the idea of showing affection in public. Though he never held my hand, he would throw a few glances my way.

"I'll be working for a while today. We have a busted car coming in and Boss had an emergency. So I'll be there for a while. Don't worry about waiting up for me!" Aoba's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"I can walk you home after." I stated.

"No! You just got over a cold! You're going straight home and taking it easy. I don't want you getting any worse." He scolded me, as if I were a child.

"I'm not a child, Aoba." I retorted, stopping him on the side walk.

"Well, you're still younger than me. You brat. " Aoba chided with a smile. I could feel my lips twitch into a small smirk.

I pulled him closer to me and crashed my lips to his. Before I had the chance to bite his lip, he pulled away, face flushed and breath rapid.

"N-Noiz! You can't do that!" He brought his hand up to his face, his finger tracing where my lips had been only a second ago.

"Why not?" I challenged.

"You just- you just can't!" Aoba started walking ahead of me. His cheeks still sporting a lovely shade of pink.

"I won't apologize." I teased. I reached out for him but he pulled his arm away. Wait. Was Aoba really mad at me for that? I wondered. He wouldn't turn to look at me the rest of the way to his work.

"Alright well, I'll see you tomorrow?" I stood in front of the shop and Aoba turned to look at me at last. His cheeks were still rosy and his hair fell in his face.

"Yeah, I'll call you or something." Aoba let a small smile play at his lips. He looked left then right before going on his tippy-toes and pressing a small kiss to the corner of my mouth. I waited for him to hear my heartbeat skip.

"Y-yeah! Bye. Have a good day!" I left him there with a smile on my lips. I guess he wasn't mad after all...?

On my way home I decided I would stop to pick up something for Aoba. A thank you for taking care of me these past few weeks. I couldn't remember if I'd thanked him properly.

After wandering around town for a bit I ended up buy a small plush doll of a little black dog.

Aobas POV

I was swamped at work with bills and homework from the classes I'd missed. My face was still pink after Noiz's surprise kiss. I had been so shocked I couldn't even look at Noiz, for fear that he'd see my embarrassment and enjoy it. As I was working on some paper work my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Aoba! I was wondering if you were working today?" Koujaku's voice at the end of the line was enough to distract me from my work. I hadn't seen my best friend for awhile while I was taking care of Noiz, and I couldn't tell him why I was gone either. I only sent him a text asking for the homework I would miss.

"Yeah I am! Why, what's up?"

"I just wanted to give you some more of the homework you missed. And I thought since you've been gone I could help you. I'll be over soon. I'm by the shop anyway!" Koujaku didn't sound like his offer was optional so I complied. I rummaged through the pile of papers so I could go home faster. Koujaku kept to his word and arrived not 15 minutes later.

"Hey! Where've you been?" Koujaku greeted me with a smile. He held a small bag with what I assumed to be my absent work.

"Oh I was helping out my-" I choked on my words. I need to tell him. I'm not ashamed of him but why is this so hard? I thought to myself. Koujaku was never one to judge, and I knew he wouldn't judge me. But standing here in front of him made everything feel a little serious.

"Aoba? Are you okay? You look like you're about to pass out..." Koujaku's concern barely reached my ears. No. I have to tell him about Noiz. I love him and I have no regrets about what we are. I lifted my head and looked my childhood friend straight in the eyes.

"K-Koujaku, I need to tell you something..." His eyes never left mine, but he did step closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm, uh, I a-" I inhaled slowly. My heart was beating so fast and I could feel my heart beat in my hands.

"Aoba?" He had a slight smile as he spoke to me.

"Koujaku, I'm gay..." I said quietly and carefully.

Koujaku stared in my eyes, his mouth slightly parted. His hand on my shoulder gripped slightly tighter.

"K-Koujaku? Are you-" I was cut off by a pair of lips crashing into mine. My breath left me in one rapid sweep. My eyes searched for answers but my mind was scattered. What's happening? I realized much too slowly that they were Koujaku's lips that desperately searched mine. I couldn't process that my best friend was currently parting my lips with his tongue. I pulled away from him, my hands steadied on his shoulders.

"K-Koujaku!" I gasped out. When I looked at him I saw his familiar eyes wild with passion and his lips still parted.

"Aoba...I'm sorry. It's just I've been waiting to hear that forever...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to attack you or anything." His expression remained bewildered.

I only stared at him with a stunned expression.

"People can love who they want, Aoba. But I do want to confess, finally, that I like you, I like you a lot..." Koujaku talked without missing a beat. His eyes searched mine for a reply.

" Y-You like me? Like, like me?"I finally stuttered out. Koujaku laughed.

"Welcome back to third grade." He chuckled.

"But you've had girlfriends and always go out with girls!" I couldn't hide the genuine shock on my face or in my voice.

"Yes, and I do like girls...But I like you more...And I would go as far as say that I lo-"

"I have a boyfriend!" I shouted unnecessarily loud. His gaze turned from relief to surprise.

"His name is Noiz and he's blonde with amazingly green eyes. He acts all tough but is really sweet and kind, even if a little immature but that's expected because he's only nineteen. He's also very loving and we look out for each other! He was also very sick these past few day's which is why I was gone to take of him and then he got hurt so I had to-" Koujaku placed a hand over my babbling mouth.

"Aoba!" He steadied me in his arms and I realized that I had been crying. I reached up and wiped tears from my eyes and silently cursed myself.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't of kissed you. I wasn't thinking. It was a mistake." Koujaku said all this with a small smile.

"I should of told you earlier." I gasped out.

"How long?" Koujaku's voice lowered. "How long have you guys been together?"

"Er- a few months..." I was quiet, as if the volume of my voice would affect his response.

"Are you happy?"

"Huh?" I was perplexed by his question.

"Aoba, does 'Noiz' make you happy?" It was Koujaku's turn to avoid my gaze.

"Yes. Very happy. I love him actually." I said confidently, Koujaku's gaze was still turned away from mine, his dark hair fell to cover his face.

"Im happy for you then!" He turned to look at me with a smile. "You almost done here?" Koujaku motioned to the mess of papers on my desk.

"Yeah, I did what I could for today. I could use some sleep!" I smiled and picked up my bag. I was exhausted from everything that happened today. Maybe I should stop by Noiz's flat tomorrow and tell him what happened. I don't want any secrets between us, though it would be nice to have the night to think it over.

As I reach to push the door it's pulled from my grip and Noiz stands in front of me with a small stuffed dog in his hands.

His eye's are narrowed and he looks irritated. His grip around the dog is clearly strangling the poor toy.

My heart pounded in my ears. 

He saw. HE SAW.

"Noiz! Uh-I didn't know you were-"

Noiz cut through my idle attempt with words filled with venom.

"Who the hell is he?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! IMSOSORRYIHAVEN'TPUBLISHED. 
> 
> But it's summer now so stay tuned! YAY SENIOR YEAR!!!!! *Internal screaming* 
> 
> I'll be writing more(hooopefully). Also, smutt coming soon ;) 
> 
> (Random life Update: I have nutella. Finally. It's been like 4 months since I've had any in my house!)
> 
> FINALLY I have a chapter^^ so please enjoy! I have very very VERY big plans and I'm thinking a lot of you are gonna get angry! >.


	8. Golf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO AGAIN MY LOVELIES. 
> 
> I'm sorry. 
> 
> Hopefully I will get the next chapter out within the next two weeks. Well that's what I'm aiming for anyway.I HAVE BIG PLANS....MWAHAHAhahaa... ^^ Thank you again for your support and comments!
> 
> BY THE WAY 
> 
> I have a tumblr!! -------------->>>>> that-yankee-fangirl 

NOIZ POV

I feel my heart beat strike against the walls of my chest. I bite my lip, to keep from crying out. The air in my lungs burns as I watch Aoba's lips press against another pair.

My blood raced into my hands. I could feel the familiar numbness taking hold of me. I reached out for it. My hand extended, welcoming the safety and familiarity. 

All my life I had been told I was never loved, never of value. I was told I was a burden, a pity card to be played. I was told I was useless, unwanted, stupid. I was told a lot of things. And I believed them. I believed them until I could no longer feel the sting of their pain. 

Only recently I had been able to forget the pain. I was able to push aside the hurt and replace it with something else. I was able to replace it with love. But I never knew how fragile love was. Until now. It shattered like a thin plate of glass. I could feel it in my chest, in my stomach, in my toes. I could feel my thoughts center on The Wall. The Wall that I had took so long to build up. The Wall that a certain blue haired boy was able to infiltrate within a few words. The same wall that I was now rebuilding without hesitation. 

I believe them again.

Still, I was able to cling to my feelings towards Aoba. I held onto what he told me. 

"I love you..."

"You are beautiful..."

I know I love him. And I felt angry. Seeing this happen before me, everything I feel towards Aoba, it made me feel angry at this dark haired asshole. I felt protective. I felt hurt. I felt confused.

My heart beat thrummed against my chest, and my blood raced through me. I reached for the door as Aoba did. His eyes widened at the surprise of seeing me.

Aoba spoke to me. I couldn't focus and what he said. 

"Who the hell is he?"

Aoba's eyes widened, and his jaw dropped slightly. I could feel my heart sink deeper into my chest. The other stood and approached me. He had an uncomfortable smile on his face, a scar ran across the bridge of his nose. He was handsome, even with a scar, though I'd never admit it. 

I walked closer to me. It seemed like my vision was fading, I could feel a searing hot rage rise in my chest. The dark haired man set his hand on my shoulder. 

"Noiz, This is Koujaku, he's my friend from school and he was just dropping off some homework I missed....Noiz I-"

"Shut up." My voice came out like as a whisper but I wanted to scream.

"Hey, watch it, it was just a misunderstanding. He was telling me-"

I couldn't take it anymore. The heat in my chest, my heart, it traveled to my hands. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to kill him. 

I grabbed his shirt before winding my fist back and slamming it to his jaw. I could hear Aoba shout something. I couldn't understand it. And I didn't want to. Koujaku stumbled back before retaliating. He shoved me back, hard, against a metal desk. I could tell it should've of hurt. But I was too far gone. I brought my knee up, meeting his firm stomach with a solid kick. I couldn't help but smirk at the gasp he let out. He folded to the ground, trying to catch his breath. I wouldn't give him the chance. I picked him up by his shirt, and gave him another substantial hit to his mouth. I could see the crimson liquid seep from his nose and his lip. He steadied himself and spat out a mixture saliva and blood. 

Koujaku was able to grab a hold of me sometime during the fight, he landed a few blows to my stomach and jaw, and another jab to my temple. Blood oozed into my eye from the cut above my brow, causing me to see red. All I could see was red. 

"NOIZ!" As I readied another blow against Koujaku, who was already panting for breath, I heard a voice. It sounded scared. Aoba. His voice made me stop and realize what I had done. I looked at Koujaku who I had pinned against a car. I stared through him, my gaze sharp as daggers. I wanted to kill him, and I realized I almost succeeded. His face was swollen and bruised, his lip bleeding along with his nose. He gripped my wrist, attempting to pry my hand away from him. I released my grip and he fell with a defeated thud. 

"Koujaku...Noiz." Aoba's voice turned from concern to anger once he said my name. His amber eyes seemed brighter as he stared at me. 

"Aoba..." I couldn't conjure enough emotion. I could hear my own voice distantly. I felt unattached, but I gripped onto his voice. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay with Aoba and hear him call my name and feel him touch my face.

"Noiz. Get out."

"A-Aoba..."

"Leave, Noiz... GO." His voice was stern and his eyes seared into me. I gripped tighter to the strand. 

No, Aoba...Please...

I reached toward him, I wanted to feel him, I needed him to pull me back.

He smacked my hand before I was able to feel him. He gripped my shirt in his fists, dragging me with surprisingly impressive strength to the door before throwing me from it. I landed with my back to the ground, meeting the cold cement with a thwack. 

"Get away from here. Get away from me, Noiz. What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I could only sit on the ground as Aoba glared at me. I could feel my anger for Koujaku direct itself to Aoba. No. Stop...You don't want this...

"I need you to leave." Aoba's gaze fell as he looked to the ground, I couldn't see his eyes anymore, but his voice changed.

Koujaku stood behind Aoba now, he brought a hand to his lip pulling it back to see the blood.

"Fuck you..."" Koujaku spat towards me. Aoba turned to Koujaku, and I almost thought I heard him reprimand him. Almost.

"No, fuck him," I nodded in Aoba's direction, and he looked at me with his eyes clear again. I could tell he was trying to say something, "It's obvious that's what he wants anyway. He's done with me."

"Noiz, wait I-" The rest of Aoba's words were lost to me as I stood and walked away. I couldn't hear anything except the sound of my own heart breaking.


	9. Hotel

Noiz POV

My heart throbbed in my chest as I ignored the bitter wind slapping against my bare face. Everything around me was red and burning. My hands didn't feel like my own. My feet moved me without knowing where to go. I made it to my apartment in an undetermined amount of time.

With an unsteady hand I opened my door and made my way into my kitchen. My mind was in a frenzy and my vision blurred. I reached for a glass and focused on it in my hand, I slowly began to tighten my grip. I could feel the pressure build and build until finally it shattered in my hand. Blood poured from my palm hitting the floor with a wet sound.

I felt nothing.

I reached for the next dish. I held the porcelain in my hands before throwing it against the wall. I heard glass shatter and could feel the wetness of tears falling down my cheek. I couldn't help but let out a scream. I couldn't stop. I screamed and threw plate after plate, and when I ran out of plates, I threw glasses. With every shattered plate, I could feel myself shatter right along with them.

Aoba POV

"Aoba-"

"No, it's okay, I need to be alone. Please, Koujaku. Just... leave." Try as I may I couldn't hide the pain in my voice. My heart beat was slow and it felt as thought time stopped at this exact moment to hold me in my own personal hell.

After I flash a painfully obvious fake smile, Koujaku left me with a dejected sigh.

I headed for my office, grabbed my things, and walked home. Everything felt slow, and my feet felt as though I was dragging them through mud. I made my way to the intersection where I would usually turn right to get to Noiz's flat.

Noiz overreacted, but so did I. I said things I didn't mean, things I didn't feel... I needed to see him, to tell him I was wrong. I picked up my pace and dragged my self to Noiz. He needed to know that I love him. That I need him.

But maybe he needed time.

Maybe he wouldn't want to see me. Not after what I said to him.

I'll go to him. But I'll give him time. I'll go to him tomorrow.

Noiz POV

I woke up face down on my bed. My sheets were stained red and my hands sported several sores and gashes. I stood up and pulled my sheets off my bed, and threw them in the trash. I went to the cupboard in the bathroom, knowing all too well what I was getting. I wrapped my hand in white linen cloth to stop the bleeding. I wrapped it around my fingers as well, but left the piercing on my hand visible.

Everything I did felt like I was out of my own body, simply watching myself like some sadistic omnipresent force. My heart was racing, but I couldn't tell why. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, bringing it to my mouth. I paced around my apartment, I couldn't place what emotion I was feeling. But god was it irritating. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't lie down, I can't do anything! My heart skipped beats at random, and my hands refused to stay still.

A burning impatience for something. I couldn't calm myself, I was anxious, and unwilling to settle down. But what was I waiting for? Why couldn't I douse the fire that was building in my chest? If Aoba was here he would tell me to calm down and breath...He would hold my face in his hands and press his forehead against mine, seeming to breath his serene breath into my lungs. He would bring his face close to mine, but hover just before my lips, too recessive to close the gap between. So I would close the space and taste him, feel him against me I would bring my hands to his-

WAITING. I was waiting for Aoba...  
Waiting for him to tell me that everything was fine. Waiting for him to tell me to calm down and listen to his voice.

But maybe he meant what he said. I don't deserve someone as great as him. 

"Shit." I breathed the word, the noise awkward in my silent room. I hated this feeling. I wanted it to stop. I need something to distract me. Or maybe someone.... 

I threw on my jacket and pulled my shoes on. 

I made my way through the alleys in town and eventually hit up an old club I used to go to regularly. It didn't take long to catch a cute brunettes eye. He sauntered over to me, whispered in my ear to ask if I was alone. My heart beat slowed. 

I felt my lips form a small smirk. My stomach felt wrong. Like I had just been punched. I hated it and I knew if I couldn't get rid of it, I could at least distract myself from the pain. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. Something isn't right. You don't want this. I could feel my heart beat accelerate, like it would when I knew I was in trouble as a kid. I brought my lips to his and they met in a violent and desperate collision. I felt the hand of this stranger rest on my arm and his grip tightened in surprise. 

"Woah, well you sure don't waste anytime." He said after we broke apart. 

"I take what I want." I could hear my own voice, flat and detached. Unamused. The brunette smiled and placed his hand on my thigh.

"I'm Alerix." 

"I didn't ask. Let's go." 

AOBA POV

I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't. My bed felt empty without Noiz next to me. I spent all night thinking, and it finally hit me. I shouldn't have left him with time to think, because when he thinks, he thinks too much. I should chase him and hold him and kiss him and assure my love for him. I pulled a sweatshirt on and jeans and made my way to his flat. He needs to know how much I love him, he needs to feel my hand in his, my lips on his. I want him to forgive me and understand. I want him to be mine. 

The walk was long and with every cold breath I tried to think of what to say. I knew I had to apologize, for Koujaku, for what I said, for leaving him alone. My heart raced as I neared his flat. I have to do this. I turned right at the intersection and I could see his apartment ahead. The light was on, so he should be home. I pulled out my phone and thought of shooting him a text, but I was afraid if he saw it he would be too mad to listen to me. I continued up the steps and made it to his door. 

I let out a nervous breath and reached for door bell. Right as I pressed it I heard a voice. A strange voice calling out for Noiz. I hit the door with my closed fist, my thoughts and emotions jumbling. The door opened and a brown hair stranger stood in front of me, wide eyed and his blue shirt unbuttoned. I couldn't move, or say anything. 

"Huh? Are you here to fuck him too?" This brown haired stranger started to fix his unbuttoned shirt. I felt frozen, I felt numb. "Well don't bother. He's broken. A waste of time." As he walked by something clicked. Anger built in me so hot I felt like screaming. Before I could think of what to do my hands already grabbed his half buttoned shirt. I brought him close and I was so mad I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to take back what he said. Noiz wasn't broken, he was lonely and hurt. He needed to be understood, and I understood him, I loved him. I love him. 

"He is not broken, and he's more than anything an asshole like you would ever dream of deserving. Now fuck off," My voice was quiet but it sounded distant from me.It was dark and intimidating. "Before you become the one who's broken." I shoved him, hard. He stumbled back and the fear in his eyes was mixed with surprise. He turned and sprinted away from Noiz's flat. 

"Aoba." 

I turned to Noiz in the door way. His voice was distant, and his eyes looked unconcerned. But I could see past that. I could see past the bravado and the facade of not caring. I could see past his wall of separation. I could hear the small sound of relief that came with the sound of my name. I could see the gleam in his eyes as he watched me. I wanted to run to him, to hold him say I was sorry over and over until I was sure he heard me. I wanted to kiss him and hold him until he knew I was there and wouldn't leave. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me and that I was an idiot for letting him go. 

"What did you do with him." Was all I could say. All these things I wanted him to know, but I couldn't get over the pain I felt in my chest. The betrayal and hurt swirled in my chest until it became anger, and anger became rage. 

"Aoba I-"

"Why would you do this! Why? To deliberately hurt me?! To-To get back at me? Why Noiz!? To hurt me? Is that it!?" My voice grew louder with every accusation, and I couldn't control it. This isn't what I came here to say. Stop! I could feel my eyes filling with tears and the spilt onto my cheeks. I didn't care. I was mad, and jealous, and hurt. 

"Aoba, please let me explain." His voice was desperate now, not detached like before. He sounded like a kid. My teeth were clenched to stop any cries from escaping my lips. I didn't want to listen. I didn't want to calm down. But I wanted Noiz. 

"Come in?" He asked with uncertainty.


End file.
